Well, no, of course not, Ollie. You’re absolutely correct: it DOES state in your contract that you must agree to the suggestion of going down to the minors.
But, see here, Ollie: by your staying up here with the club, you’re not putting yourself in a position to improve.
Yes, yes. We know. Nobody can MAKE you. But, Ollie, didn’t nice Mr. Boras tell you that he thought it was a good idea? And you know that he always has your very best interests in mind, don’t you? Wasn’t he the one that got you this cush..[ahem] big contract in the first place?
Son, we’ll say it again: there is absolutely no shame in accepting this assignment. Other pitchers have been asked to do the same thing and, with time and effort, they’ve been able to solve their problems and make a successful return to the team. We want to help you with this, Ollie. Really, we do.
Well, but you see, Ollie, you may THINK that there is no problem, but opposing hitters have a way of telling us that in fact you really DO have a problem.
No, wait. Please! Not a problem that can’t be RECTIFIED. Not a problem without a solution!
There, there. Settle down.
Now, Ollie. Let’s be reasonable, shall we? We are committed to you and your successful return to the bigs 100%. [You’d better believe we are, for what we’re paying you.]
We are talking about a short period of time. A brief part of your otherwise illustrious career. And, hey, it’s not like you’re going to be slumming it while you’re there: we’ve arranged first class travel and major league per diem for you while you’re there–just like you enjoy now.
You’d be surprised how far that goes in upstate New York or in the Miami area!
Okay, Ollie. We get it.
You don’t want to go to Buffalo. You don’t want to go to Port St. Lucie.
But, you know what, Son? We don’t always get what we WANT in life!
You’re kidding, right?
I’m sorry, but I fail to see the humor in this, Perez.
Oh for God’s sake. Will someone please get Ray Ramirez in here?!
Which knee is it, Ollie?
No, Ollie, that was most certainly not meant to be a trick question.