You can’t MAKE me!

Ollieears.jpgWell, no, of course not, Ollie. 
You’re absolutely correct:  it DOES state in your contract that you must agree to the suggestion of going down to the minors.

But, see here, Ollie:  by your staying up here with the club, you’re not putting yourself in a position to improve. 

Yes, yes.  We know.  Nobody can MAKE you.  But, Ollie, didn’t nice Mr. Boras tell you that he thought it was a good idea?  And you know that he always has your very best interests in mind, don’t you?  Wasn’t he the one that got you this cush..[ahem] big contract in the first place?

Son, we’ll say it again:  there is absolutely no shame in accepting this assignment.  Other pitchers have been asked to do the same thing and, with time and effort, they’ve been able to solve their problems and make a successful return to the team. We want to help you with this, Ollie.  Really, we do.

Well, but you see, Ollie, you may THINK that there is no problem, but opposing hitters have a way of telling us that in fact you really DO have a problem. 

No, wait.  Please!  Not a problem that can’t be RECTIFIED.  Not a problem without a solution!

There, there.  Settle down.

Now, Ollie.  Let’s be reasonable, shall we?  We are committed to you and your successful return to the bigs 100%.  [You’d better believe we are, for what we’re paying you.]

We are talking about a short period of time.  A brief part of your otherwise illustrious career.  And, hey, it’s not like you’re going to be slumming it while you’re there:  we’ve arranged first class travel and major league per diem for you while you’re there–just like you enjoy now. 

You’d be surprised how far that goes in upstate New York or in the Miami area!


Okay, Ollie.  We get it.

You don’t want to go to Buffalo.  You don’t want to go to Port St. Lucie.

But, you know what, Son?  We don’t always get what we WANT in life!


What’s that?

Your WHAT?! 

Just now? 

You’re kidding, right?

Your KNEE?



I’m sorry, but I fail to see the humor in this, Perez.


Oh for God’s sake.  Will someone please get Ray Ramirez in here?! 


Which knee is it, Ollie?


No, Ollie, that was most certainly not meant to be a trick question.

Same Song, Second Verse

RollinsRadames.jpgYesterday afternoon in Queens, the curtain went up on a new season–what is to be the last season in this house.  Both expectations and hopes were high.

Although the setting itself was the same as many previous performances, striking new sets of CitiField–the work of union construction workers–almost made it seem as if we the audience were due to see a new production.  Not only  that, but there were also a few additional cast members as well. 

But with the exception of the minor cast and set changes, yesterday’s matinee bore a striking resemblance to many of last year’s performances of this same show.

The Mets opened with a predictable and somewhat routine performance of the Overture of the Shea Bouquet.

In Act I itself, Mets pitcher Oliver Perez found himself in some sticky situations but was able, through some timely counseling by newcomer Brian Schneider, to settle himself down and keep the Phillies scoreless through 5.2 innings.

As Act II began and the bullpen entered, one began to feel the tension mount in the stands as well as on the field.

And, at the conclusion of Act III, the starting pitcher’s well-pitched game and the initial runs scored by the Mets did not prove to be enough to withstand the onslaught of the Phillies. 

The curtain fell, following a bracing rendition of the closing aria, “Rittorno vincitor!”, sung with much bravado by Jimmy Rollins.

I’d really like to exchange my tickets for future performances…I’ve seen this show SO MANY TIMES BEFORE.